DO YOU NEED SOME INSPIRATION AND ADVICE TODAY?

DO YOU NEED SOME INSPIRATION AND ADVICE TODAY?

If you are in self-isolation with your family, your spouse or are by yourself, I would like to share some inspirational thoughts and ideas that I have stolen from the Internet, that might add a smile to your day. I think it is important to maintain a sense of humour and shift our thoughts into different directions during tough times. For example:

• Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.
• There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I’m going to continue.
• I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.
• If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest… I would miss you so much.
• Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some one else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don’t you let them?
• My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
• Modern Intelligence : if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.
• I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
• I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
• Dear auto-correct, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.
• It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
• I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
• I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out OK.
• Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!
• In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify,” I put “Doctor.”
• I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.
• If you die in an elevator make sure you push the “up” button.
• If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
• Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
• If it’s free it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counselling; if you can use either one, it’s a miracle.
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.
• Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
• Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.
• Always run away from temptations, but slowly… so they can catch up to you.

Hope you at least had one chuckle, one giggle and one “That’s for sure”. Keep on isolating and stay away from the fridge! I guess I could add that bit of advice to the above list as well.