DOES YOUR CHRISTMAS SENSE OF HUMOR NEED A BOOST?

DOES YOUR CHRISTMAS SENSE OF HUMOR NEED A BOOST?

A tried and true way to break up the monotony of my blogs, is for me to borrow some humerous quotes from others. Some Christmas quotes that might trigger a chuckle or two:

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkins.” – Winston Spear

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, “toys not included”!”

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening

“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.”

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas” - Johnny Carson

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown


“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.”

“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” – Author Unknown

“One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you up for the January sales.”

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno

“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?”
– Jim Gaffigan

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” - Phyllis Diller

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Author Unknown

“Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn’t have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in “Gift certificate for a flu shot.” – Erma Bombeck

“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” – Author Unknown

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.”

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother.”

If none of these made you chuckle, Scrooge, read them again!