WHY ARE WE NEVER SATISFIED?

WHY ARE WE NEVER SATISFIED?

It seems that our society is never satisfied with what they have: they always want more or something different. As an example, let us examine the World of A&W hamburgers, which originally started with only four choices: the Mama Burger, the Papa Burger, the Teen Burger, and the Baby Burger. Were we happy with these four different choices? Apparently, not!

As the public became more demanding, A&W introduced the Grandpa Burger, the Uncle Burger, and the single and double Buddy Burger. Enter the feminist movement and the charge of discrimination - why are there three male burger variations, three gender-neutral choices, and only one with distinctively female reference? To counter this obvious inequity, you may soon be chomping on the proposed all-new Female Cousin Burger. Maybe!

Over the years, A&W has tried to introduce other burgers with mixed results. The short-lived Grandma Burger passed away quickly after her introduction. The Mozza Burger which buries the burger under a mound of melted cheese has survived, but the Cod Burger had limited life before it began to smell. Chicken Burgers have survived and the original group can often be double or triple-sized if requested. 

The newest member of the family is the Beyond Meat Burger. This plant-based burger patty is made from protein-rich pulse crops, like peas, and mung beans. The Beyond Meat burger is touted as a healthier and more environmentally friendly alternative to animal proteins, that mimics the smell and taste of beef. Time will tell if this latest entry will join Grandma or Grandpa in A&W history!

A recent CBC story offered, with tongue in cheek, a long list of other more intriguing possible additions to the list of choices. Some of my favorites were:

The Friend With Benefits Burger - Pay for just a regular burger, but somehow get a double-patty with extra bacon and 117 toppings. WARNING: Very difficult to go back to regular burgers afterward.

The Weird Hoarder Uncle Burger  - A straight-up thing of pork topped with lettuce, tomato, cheese, and shredded back issues of National Geographic from 1988. Not available at all outlets!

The Suburban Jackass Nephew Burger - An imperfectly seasoned patty of beef raised with copious use of steroids and hormones. Topped with way, way too much hair gel-like sauce!

The Endless Manchild Burger - This unsatisfying 38-year-old meal comes served in a tiny Plexiglas replica of a basement apartment! Please use both hands to lift it: it requires an absurd amount of ongoing support.

And finally, my favorite CBC suggestion is The Second Cousin Thrice-Removed Burger! I will leave it to my multitude of fans to conjure up the description of its contents. 

I think we would have been wise to just accept Mama, Papa, Teen, and Baby as an adequate number of choices. We have now proceeded past the sublime, beyond the ridiculous, and into the idiotic! Sometimes it pays to just have simple tastes, don’t you think?